MY PARENTS IN ME

I am definitely turning into my mother in more ways than I dare confess, character-wise at least. In the looks department, I’m most certainly my father’s daughter.

When I was younger, I used to be terrified of this ever happening to me. I have grown up since, because the idea of turning into one or both of my parents actually feels comfortable, inevitable, amusing and altogether interesting. I am consoled, I think, by this triumph of genetics despite everything: my parents are there in the biological code and they’re coming to claim me.

It is scientifically proven that "there is no escaping mum" – wherever you go, you take her with you. Her little voice inside your head is called a maternal introjet – which includes her values, traits, attitudes habits and outlook.

There are some ways in which I will, fortunately, never emulate my mother because of genetic good luck. But I have embraced her kindness and honesty, and her loving and God-fearing ways. My mother was a truly lovely human being who taught me to be kind and respectful, and not to harm anyone by cruel words and actions. She believed in the maxim that what goes around comes around.

Although I share my mother’s propensity for anxiety and can be a worry-wart like her, I deal with it much more holistically and effectively simply because in this day and age we have better tools to work with.

Together with her stellar ways, I seem to be acquiring her annoying habits which we used to tease her about. One of the things which really got my goat as a teenager was her penchant for going around the house turning things off, lights, the radio, air-conditioning and TV, even if we had just left the room to get a glass of water from the kitchen!

Now I find myself doing the same thing with my husband who simply loves switching on every conceivable electrical equipment when he enters a room, without remembering to switch them off. When I hear myself complaining, I realise how much I am like my mother.

Like her, I scrape every last dollop out of jam jars and squeeze the last drop from shampoo bottles. Sometimes I catch myself using the very words she would have used to say something or cooking something exactly the way she does. When that happens, it always makes me smile and I feel happy because I feel her presence even though she isn’t around any longer.

To some extent, being "like my mother" is in some ways just becoming the person I always was but thought I was not allowed to be. My mother is a pretty awesome person to be.

My father is smart, wise, kind, funny and extremely generous, to a fault at times. Many a time, our house was the "refuge" for relatives and friends who were undergoing hard times.

I don’t know how he did it financially, as he was the sole-breadwinner with a large family of his own, but somehow we managed.

From my father I have learned to take life easy, to laugh more and stay happy. Most of all, he taught us that putting yourself out there to help others whenever and wherever possible is one of the key components of happiness.

I know this has allowed others to take advantage of me from time to time, but I also know it has brought me some of the most unbelievable feelings of self-worth as well.

My father was original and unconventional in the most inspiring sense. He was a jack-of-all-trades – a qualified tailor by profession (we were the best dressed kids around) and an avid gardener (our house and garden were filled with plants and vegetables).

He taught us how to appreciate nature and showed us how to grow and nurture plants. We had a vegetable garden and a chicken coup in our backyard which gave us endless hours of fun.

He liked to make and fix things and thought that good enough was good enough. I remember all the times he tried so valiantly to teach us simple home repairs. which all but flew over my head. But my sisters and I definitely have his green fingers and creative talents. Till today we are able to sew our own clothes if need be and we all have lovely gardens, too.

In this age of endless modernisation and progression, "turning into your parents" is seen as retrogressive. A step back to a time when men were stern, broad and short-haired and smelt of carbolic soap and brilliantine, and women were sweet-tempered and tied to their aprons, and smelt of food and talcum powder.

We are supposed to want to move on from our parents. To live somewhere far away from them and better, and be richer, more sophisticated, more widely travelled, and more liberal in our thinking.

To be seen to be merely turning into them is often viewed as a failure.

But I see it as a wholly positive thing. I have come to develop a profound appreciation for the job my parents did raising us. I think most parents do the best they can with the lessons given by their parents and thus the circle keeps on turning.

Perhaps transforming into the people who gave us life isn’t always quite as awful as so many people make it out to be. I have totally and lovingly embraced the fact that I have metamorphosed into my parents.

Dinner amidst the Fireflies in Tokyo

The Historic Chinzan-so garden in Meijiro Tokyo has celebrated fireflies as a gift of summer since 1954. To coincide with the firefly season the Four Seasons Hotel located within this area capitalizes on this wondrous   performance of nature by seducing the well-heeled to “dine by the light of the fireflies”. In Tokyo things are a little different, if you have the money; the fireflies will come to you – not really but nearly.

The Four Seasons Hotel runs an absolutely one of a kind dinner service starting from 25th May to 18^th July every year. The hotel’s garden which has its own population of fireflies provides a twinkling illumination to a darkened setting Diners are encouraged to stroll around the beautiful garden to see the fireflies at close range, while enjoying their pre-dinner aperitif. The hotel’s 17 acres of Japanese garden has a lovely stream running through it, the paths are softly lit by lanterns giving it a very romantic ambience. All through dinner you will be mesmerized by the sheer beauty of so many fireflies doing their mating dance. It is a tantalizingly spectacular sight. After dinner, guests can go for a slow stagger to walk off their dinner and catch a final glimpse of this illuminated mating show before the evening performance is over.

The mating ritual of the firefly is set in motion when in twilight time the male fireflies lift off into the air to broadcast their bioluminescent flashes in search of female fireflies. Females perched on the grass and foliage, sit and admire passing males, and if they are interested will flash in response. Biologist Dr. Sara Lewis from Tufts University in her extensive study of fireflies has found that the female fireflies can tell which suitor’s have the best reproductive assets by gauging the males ability to brag about them based on the length of their flashes and their faster flash rhythms. From her research she has found that males with the longest flashes had the best resources for fertilizing a female’s eggs.  The male’s gift to the female comes in the form of proteins that are packaged along with his sperm that helps nourish the female eggs. To advertise that he has got the goods the male firefly flashes to the female who flashes back flirtatiously until the mating game gets underway. The sad fact here is that the male while he is flashing must be mindful that his flashing signals would not only attract the female fireflies but will also be attracting predators in search for their next meal. Thus every single night the male fireflies are out there flying a fine line between sex and death.  The next time you are outside on a balmy night enjoying this awesome display of nature, take a moment to give thanks and admire the firefly romance and risk that is playing out all around you. Fireflies and their mating sequence are truly a beautiful work of nature Dr. Lewis says that it is very easy to talk to fireflies, she only has to click her penlight twice whilst among them in the dark and a female firefly flashes back!

Fireflies have been written about in Japanese poems and literature throughout the ages. They have been considered to be the “souls of the dead” I wish I didn't learn that fact, because mulling over this fact they quickly ceases to be so romantic and surreal. Nevertheless they are a wondrous work of nature.

Holiday Destination - Fukuoka Japan

Fukuoka is the capital city of Fukuoka Prefecture situated in the southernmost island of Kyushu in Japan and it also happens to be Ipoh City’s Sister City. I was fortunate to have been there for two weeks on an exchange program between the 2 cities. It was a wonderful experience living with a foster family there and soaking up the essence of Japanese life first hand. Being a city by the sea it had a feeling of freshness and openness unlike the choking congestion of Tokyo and other major Japanese cities. It is a very livable city in that it is very clean, reassuringly safe and the people are ever so warm, friendly and helpful.

Tips for Travel

MUST DO

Sightseeing and leisure course

Arm yourself with a city map from the Tourist Bureau at Hakata Station and get on the 100yen (equivalent to RM 3),  Nishitetsu loop bus which starts from Hakata Station, the main transportation hub. This loop that the bus takes covers a number of places of interest like the Hakataza Theatre where Kabuki plays are staged, Fukuoka Riverain, a state of the art building which houses the Asian Art Museum, Robosquare and the Eeny Meeny Miny Mo shopping complex. Be sure to get down from the bus at Kawabata and take a stroll down this traditional arcade which specializes in all things traditionally Japanese, a good place to purchase some gifts. From Kawabata you can walk to the Hakata Machiya Folk Museum to learn about the traditional crafts and lifestyles of this region during the Meji and Taisho eras. You can purchase some authentic folk handicraft at the gift shop. A five minute walk will bring you to the famous Kushido Shrine, the starting point of the annual Hakata Gion Yamakasa festival which begins on 1 July and ends with the Oiyama race on 15 July The bus then takes you by the Fukuoka Akarenga Cultural Center a very chic British style building which is a nationally important cultural property designed by Kingo Tatsuno. It then goes by ACROS Fukuoka a truly spectacular building; its exterior design features a terraced garden like a hillslope, covered with plants and trees with a cavernous atrium inside. It houses the Fukuoka Symphony Hall and is an information center for international cultural exchanges. The  bus than goes into the Tenjin area which is Fukuoka”s Financial street and largest shopping district where designer stores are housed in towering swank retail blocks such as Solaria Plaza Vioro, IMS, Vivre, Tenjin Core, Iwataya, Daimaru and Mitsukoshi to name a few. Do not miss shopping at Tenjin Chikagai (underground city). The bus than passes some beautiful gardens and parks which are very well maintained, forming lovely oases of greenery before coming to Canal City a famous landmark. This futuristic three-dimensional city-within-a-city hosts a variety of attractions like the famous Grand Hyatt Hotel, the Fukuoka City Theatre and the Fukuoka Joypolis a futuristic amusement theme park and a plethora of shopping and retail outlets, with a 187meter long canal running through it thus its name. From here the bus heads back to Hakata Station.

 It is easy to get on and off the bus anytime because another one will come around at ten minute intervals. Taking a sightseeing tour will cost about RM70 for 3 1 /2 hour duration. If you are fighting for time then this would be a better option. The other option is to buy a one day travel pass which will give you access to the subway.

You can hop on a Nishitetsu bus or take a subway to the Momochi area where you will see the iconic Fukuoka Tower nicknamed “mirror sail” which at 234m is the symbol of the city. Within walking distance is the Fukuoka City Public Library, the Fukuoka City Museum and the Fukuoka Sky Dream Ferris Wheel, the largest in Asia. The 20 minute ride on it is especially spectacular at sunset. Within this area is also Hawks Town, wherein is The Fukuoka Yahoo Dome and the majestic JAL Seahawk Hotel and Resort.

The Historical and ancient cultural city of Dazaifu which is a half hour bus ride from Hakata Station is another interesting place to visit. The Dazaifu Tenmangu Shrine dedicated to the God of Learning is a popular place for students and scholars yearning for some heavenly help in their studies. There are many historical places to visit in this ancient cultural city, there are some very interesting old architectural style buildings and the landscape is coloured with legendary plum tree blossoms, camphor trees and irises, a spectacular sight when they are in bloom.

Relaxing and Rejuvenating Course

Do not leave Fukuoka without experiencing a bath at a hot spring or Hosen as it is called in Japanese. The Ureshino Hot spring in Fukuoka is one of the best 3 hot springs in Japan and a favourite among locals. It is truly liberating to mind body and soul, a refreshing and sublime experience not to be missed.

A therapeutic Japanese massage would be lovely to relieve aching muscles and weary bones from so much walking.

  AVOID

Fukuoka like all of Japan is very environment conscious and to cut down the pollution from motor vehicles they discourage the use of cars by having very high prices on cars, petrol and parking. Taxis are therefore to be avoided at all times because the fares are exorbitant. The best mode of transport would be buses and trains, which are convenient and very reliable. Subways too are pretty expensive and you miss out on the sights and sounds of the city while travelling in them.

It is good to avoid spending all your shopping money in the Tenjin area as prices are inflated here due to the high rentals. It is much cheaper to shop in the malls found in the suburbs like at Hakata Denya in Momochi area, which is a mere 15mins by bus from Tenjin. Just to the west of Tenjin is Daimyo, an area with small independent shops and restaurants and prices are reasonable. The crafts and boutique stores at Hakata station are also good places to buy gifts and souvenirs

GOOD EATS

Try the Yatai stalls along the Naka riverside in Nakasu.. Yatais are a speciality of Fukuoka attracting people with a wide array of meals like Hakata Ramen Noodles, Oden (hotpot dish), Yakitori (grilled chicken), Tempura(deep fried seafood and vegetables), and gyoza (potstickers) among other delicacies. There are about 180-200 yatais in the Nakasu and Tenjin area alone.

Have your taste of the original Udon Noodles in one of the specialty Noodles shops, slurping up the soup from the bowl in authentic Japanese fashion!

This region is also famous for Karashi Mentaiko a spicy chilled cod roe, which is a specialty in this area, but it is an acquired taste.

TOP SHOP

The 100yen shop is a must as you can find all kinds of stuff that you need here. There is a good one behind the Tenjin station and another in Nishijinn in Pravel Plaza which is really big. Small 100yen shops can be found all over the city and suburbs.

The Underground Arcades that make up Tenjin Chikagai is a very interesting place to shop and browse around all year round, fashion is well represented here.

The shopping arcade and boutique shops at Hakata station is also very good and varied, especially convenient if you are leaving Fukuoka by train.

Canal City is another good area to shop as so many different shops and retail outlets are housed in this mega complex. You can easily spend a whole day there. It has quite a number of Asian restaurants if you are dying for some spicy home food.

INSIDER TIP

Eat a hefty lunch as lunch time prices are half the dinner prices and that would be a major saving as food is quite pricey in Fukuoka. A simple meal of noodles and a drink will cost around RM20 - RM30.

Don’t miss out on the exciting night life in Nakasu; it is the largest entertainment area in western Japan. It has more than 2000 eating and drinking establishments; it is nice just to take a stroll along the Naka River seeing all the lights of the city reflecting in it

Autumn or Spring is the best time to visit as the city trees are all in their beautiful colours and blooms and the climate is very conducive for sightseeing.

Coriander Fish Sambal - Simply delicious

If you like spicy food  you will love this dish

Coriander Fish Sambal

Ingredients

I kg Black Pomfret (cut into slices)

3 large onions (sliced)

3 garlic pips (chopped)

2” inch piece young ginger (cut into strips)

10 dried chilies (ground to a paste)

3 tabsp tomato puree

1 level tabsp cumin powder

2 tabsp of tamarind juice

Oil for frying

Salt to taste

1/2teasp turmeric powder

Sugar to taste

I large bunch coriander leaves (root to be pounded, leaves and stems to be chopped finely)

1 large red chili (sliced for garnish)

Method

1.  Rub fish slices with turmeric and salt and set aside for ½ an hour.

2.  Fry fish slices till done.

3.  Heat 2 tabsp of oil in wok, throw in garlic, ginger and pounded coriander roots, fry till fragrant. Add in chili paste and fry till oil rises, put in cumin powder and fry for ½ a minute.

4.  Mix in tomato puree, tamarind juice and ¾ of the chopped coriander, add sugar and salt to taste. Add a little hot water and let it simmer slowly for 10 mins. It should be a thick gravy

5.  Put in the fish slices. Mix well and heat through. Dish out and garnish with sliced red chilies and remaining coriander leaves, serve with hot rice. Simply delicious.

LIFE'S LITTLE TRAGEDIES

 I came across this clipping in one of my old diaries and  thought that I would share it.

No one notices you have lost 10 lbs.
You can’t mainline croissants and still slip into a pencil Chanel skirt.
You lean over the sink to do a last minute make-up fix, walk away with a big water stripe across the front of your new silk blouse.
You are already in the cab, looking like a million dollars, before you discover a run in your black pantyhose.
He didn't notice your new hairstyle.
Your hair always looks terrific the day you are supposed to have it cut.
You can’t zip up your jeans.
Not a single person in the office says a word about your RM1200 designer top.
 A nail breaks two hours after your manicure.
 The jacket you bought 5 years ago has come back in style, but you threw it out last month.
You ask for a dress in size 8, the salesperson doesn't have it and bring you a size 12 and it’s a perfect fit.
Our world is cursed with a multi-billion diet industry and an obesity epidemic.
Chinese food turns out to be really fattening – and you are still hungry 2 hours later.
 The best hors d’oeuvres have more calories than a big Mac.
Breakfast in bed is more trouble than it’s worth.
A man’s big feet or large hands don’t tell you anything.
Sex is never like the movies.
The earth didn't move.
You have been dying for the man to ask you out, and five minutes into the date you know he is a disaster.
A fifty year old man won't want to be a father to you.
You see your Hollywood dreamboat in a restaurant and he is about 5 feet tall.
You meet someone you have idolized and he is downright rude.
The one blind date where there is chemistry happening and you are wearing bad underwear.
Your sexy new beau turns out to be a horrible lover.
The new hunk at the gym has terrible body odor.
The day you sink a hole-in-one, you are playing solo.
Bumping into your old boyfriend for the first time in a year on the day you haven’t washed your hair.
The neighbor who knocks on your door to borrow coffee is not the guy you are dying to get to know.
A humongous bouquet is delivered to your table at work, the card reads “From your secret lover “after spending a happy hour wondering who it is, messenger returns says flowers are for another officemate.
The cute guy that you have been talking and flirting with the last two hours turns out to be your sister-in-laws married brother, imagine the horror of being the “other women” to your brother’s wife’s brother’s wife.

Happiness is within our grasp

In a culture that places so much emphasis on productivity, pleasure gets bad press. Somehow we associate it with idleness and decadence. But happiness that elusive butterfly, has a lot to do with our ability to take delight in the day to day pleasures of our existence, whether that means the smell of a rose, or the love felt for a child or the comforting rituals that sooth us, be it meditation, yoga, or just prayer time. Enjoy the moment. Do things that bring you pleasure and replay life’s joyful moments.  Too many of us pass these basic satisfaction by in the rush and clutter of modern life. Listen to the promptings of your heart a little more, and listen to the complaints of your mind a little less. Avoid over-thinking and comparing yourself with others. Count your blessings and thank people for good turns. Devote time to developing and fostering good relationships. Don’t expect from other people. If you expect from other people you will be disappointed at some time. Be willing to do things without demanding recognition. It is only the ego that wants recognition. Think of others more than you think of yourself. Self-giving is the secret of happiness. Life’s most precious things can neither be seen nor touched but are felt with the heart, so we should savour and remember these precious moments that flood our lives with happiness.

Malacca - My Lingering sense of place

In spite of living in Ipoh for the last 20 odd years, the tiny Historical City of Malacca, that small town 2 degrees north of the equator, has always been the place that I choose to call home. It was the place that I did not want to leave, the place that pulled me back when I was away, and the place that I dreamed about and spoke of with reverence. If any place is home, it is Malacca, that uniquely quaint town with streets that are narrower than your hips, that has a rhythm and character all its own, from its people, that exotic cross-cultural ethnic mix of  Baba- Nyonya, Chitty and Portuguese, to the uniqueness' of her built environment. The Malacca of today is a rich mélange of Dutch, Portuguese, British, Chinese, Indian and Malay influences which reflects so much of her past glory. The Malacca culture is a tapestry woven over six centuries of this diverse ethnic customs, folklore and traditions.

Malacca was founded at the start of the 15^th century by a Sumatran; Prince Parameswara. Due to her strategic location on the Malaccan Straits she quickly became the most important port in South East Asia. Here gold, silk, tea, opium, tobacco, spices and countless other items were traded. Chinese, Indian and Arab merchants settled there and this rich port was the key to controlling the spice trade that brought about the early east-west power struggles. Prince Parameswara adopted a pro-trade policy that included keeping sea-lanes open, eliminating pirates and establishing appropriate legal and administrative institutions to encourage trade. The city’s wealth attracted European interest of the sort that arrived heavily armed. In the 16^th century she was conquered first by the Portuguese, and then the Dutch who controlled her for over 300 years before ceding her to the British in 1824. Malacca gradually began to lose her pre-eminence as an entreport in the region, this happened after the British East India Company lost its monopoly of the China trade, the British could not make their treasury revenues at Malacca cover the Government expenses and Malacca required financial assistance from the other two cities in the Straits Settlement, namely Singapore and Penang. The British began to concentrate heavily on Singapore and Malacca soon became a sleepy backwater. The city’s decline was a blessing in disguise as it meant that the beautiful mixture of Portuguese, Dutch, Chinese and Islamic architecture largely remained intact.

In a country where so much is new, Malacca is one of the few places where you get the feel of Malaysia’s past history she has managed to maintain her sense of distinctive historical and cultural identity. Her glorious past is hidden behind each facade of the centuries old buildings. Every step you take down her narrow roads, there will be a piece of historic treasure waiting to be told. Her culture is seen in the rich Baba-Nyonya, Chitty and Portuguese lifestyles in terms of cuisine and traditions which are evident in present day Malacca. Malacca possesses a living heritage that needs to be preserved at all cost for generations to come. Although it is the third smallest state in Malaysia it is undoubtedly the wealthiest in terms of history, culture and cuisine. The history of Malaysia really begins in Malacca, thus aptly named the Historical City of Malaysia.

 Malaccans eat, live and breathe these rich influences and their lives resonate with these influences and are made all the richer by it. People create a relationship with places and come to understand them through their senses.  Before there is memory of speech, there is memory of sense. Our experiences of places are not only built up from visual cues, as our  knowledge of the environment also includes crucial information derived from taste, touch, smell and hearing. A sense of place can be what makes a place somewhere special and different; it does not have to be spectacular but just have the sensory necessities that together create something significant, something unique, a sense of belonging, of interest, of place. Society is the place where we learn to develop our potential and become competent. Belonging, on the other hand is the place where we can find a certain emotional security. It is the place where we learn a lot about ourselves, our fears our blockages, as well as our capacity to give life, it is the place where we grow to appreciate others, to live with them, to share and work together, discovering each other’s  gifts and weaknesses. Malacca is my sense of place, my place of belonging.

  

  “A place is sensed, senses are placed as places make sense, senses make place” (Feld)